21 posts tagged “spirituality”

Or, as my dear best friend and co-conspirator says, "Beltane is so very passe these days -- we should rename it Bel-chicka-bow-bow."  (You have to say it as if it were a naughty movie...you know, the XXX-rated ones. *grin*)  Because we all know what Beltane is about....(NSFW!)

First of May

Jonathan Coulton

3 comments

I started this blog about 7 months ago, and soon thereafter decided to focus it mainly on spirituality (since I have an LJ for silly memes/quizzes, and a regular blog for everything else).  Possibly part of why I went a little crazy here on the Wiccan topics in recent months was a vague uncertainty as to exactly what I believe -- in the sense that I've been practicing Wicca for at least 12 years, and I'm extremely knowledgeable and experienced in most aspects of it, but wanted to define more precisely what it all means to me, to clarify various aspects of it for myself.  In many ways, I feel an abject lack of identification with, or sense of "belonging" to, any particular Wiccan group or tradition.  Over the years, I've occasionally questioned whether I'm actually Wiccan...but have largely chosen to stick with that label as a "default setting" -- because I feel even less identification with any other type of Pagan group that I've heard of, or researched.  Although my personal deities are from the Norse pantheon, I don't feel a connection with Ásatrú or the other Northern European Pagan trads -- and I definitely don't like the idea of using any language that I don't understand in religious rites.  (Sometimes I think I'd be Discordian if I took my faith less seriously than I do!)

Belonging is rather a big deal to me.  For much of my life, I've felt that I didn't belong, in one way or another...so when I do feel a sense of belonging, I tend to be fiercely loyal and protective toward whatever (or whomever) engenders that feeling in me (when it's a person, I tend to be so loyal and devoted that -- as my beloved Geoffrey says -- I'm a "pit bull of love").  The most sense of belonging I've ever had in my religion/faith was within the CUEW, but that's not so much a tradition as a set of guidelines and doctrines; the CUEW doesn't have a litany of rituals or other specific outlines to follow (not that I'd follow them exactly, anyway, but it's nice to have a framework to personalize from).

In any case, I've given a fair amount of thought over the years (since before my Priestess initiation in April 1997, actually) to developing my own specific Pagan tradition -- one that, while adapting many Wiccan themes and some of the mythos, wouldn't/couldn't be defined as a Wiccan tradition because of certain divergent ideas/beliefs.  I actually had a collection of rituals, prayers/meditations, and other writings key to my personal tradition on the harddrive of my very first computer (a Tandy 386), which -- as luck (fate?) would have it -- slagged down and left the data completely inaccessible before I had printed or saved it on disk.  I've never been interested in figuring out if there was some kind of "reason" that happened -- I prefer to be practical and consider it a lesson in backing up data, and nothing more.

(I just lost a couple of really good paragraphs quite stupidly.  Don't trust that "Recover" button, people -- at least, not without copying & pasting what you've got in front of you to Notepad first.  Just don't.  And gee, the "Recover" button put me right back at the spot where I was talking about backing up data?  I really hate it when it seems the gods are laughing at me.)

Anyway, some of the stuff I lost to the "Recover" button had to do with not being interested in teaching or publishing my personal practices.  I learned many years ago that I'm not a good teacher or effective leader...although I do a fair imitation of a decent mentor.  *grin*  And my understanding is that a tradition (in the Wiccan/Pagan sense of the term) isn't actually a tradition until it's been studied and practiced by someone who learned from the originator (and some even add "and passed it on to yet another person").  So I wouldn't be developing a tradition, just a set of personal practices and ideology.  It would simply be something that would have, thoroughly and deeply, a "rightness" and sense of "belonging" for me personally.

There was more, but my brain has reached the point where I'm too tired and run-down to be decently coherent.  Maybe later this weekend...

Here's a Witches Weekly on the Divine:

What is your definition of the divine, if you believe in divinity at all? (Do you adhere to a god/goddess, one spirit, many deities, etc)

The divine really has to be undefinable to some extent, in my view.  I can't believe in a "Higher Power" that is completely definable!  I believe that God/dess is omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent -- and that humans are incapable of truly understanding how and why this is, or how and why God/dess allows certain things to occur (which are generally seen as undesirable to us, like natural disasters or mass killing sprees or most other kinds of suffering).  I believe that, "All gods are one God, all goddesses are one Goddess, and there is but one Initiator."  Some have questioned how this could be, in that the God of one religion is so different from the God of another religion...my understanding is that it's not God who is misinterpreted, but rather the people who believe God is a specific way who are misinterpreting.  (I may very well be misinterpreting God!  And I don't feel it undermines my devout beliefs to admit that.)  Perhaps some must see God in certain ways in order to fulfill their purpose in this life (whether or not reincarnation is what happens to us after physical death), but in any case, I don't believe that there is any "one, true way."  (That puts me at odds with 98% or more of the rest of the world's religious believers, of course, but that's just the way the cookie gets completely stomped and obliterated.)  Personally, I view God/dess as both general (when I refer to them as the Lord and the Lady), and as specific (when I refer to them as my personal deities or as specifically-named deities of another pantheon).  Those who have trouble with that concept are encouraged to seek understanding of the Invisible Pink Unicorn (who happens to be my teenage daughter's favorite deity, at least for the time being.  Wikipedia states that "there are no actual believers in this mock goddess," but of course Wikipedia is wrong, or at least is unfamiliar with teenage girls and what they will take seriously, because she certainly does take it at least as seriously as she does the drama-llama farming of her peers...she also jokingly proselytizes the Invisible Pink Unicorn to her friends).  Anyway, I take seriously whatever others (who are not flaming brainless dingbats) genuinely profess to be their religious beliefs...and I respect their beliefs up to the point that those beliefs impinge upon my rights to live and practice my beliefs.  If someone seriously, solemnly, and devoutly believes that God/dess is a giant fluorescent worm named Dirk who lives too deep in the earth to ever be seen by humans, I will respect Dirk as part of the "All gods are one God" concept.  Even in the midst of my suppressed giggles.

I haven't posted a Witches Weekly in ages.  I haven't posted a new question on Pagan Ponderings in ages.  I haven't posted much of anything on Vox in a while... and why is that?

I have a new job, and have just completed my second week of working there.  It's not even full-time, but it's a lot more physical activity than I'm used to, and all of it on my feet...which leaves me tired & footsore at the end of the day, wanting nothing more than to curl up on the sofa and crochet a little whilst I watch a bit of TV.  My kitchen has not been up to my standards in cleanliness in days, I just did laundry (Thursday night) for the first time in almost 2 weeks, the cats are misbehaving because they don't get as much spoiling from Momma as they're used to, and I've generally had no energy for anything other than the very most basic necessities.  I suspect that if I wasn't already in the habit of taking a daily multivitamin, I'd be even worse off.

And my right wrist is quite red from irritation because I've been applying sports tape around it to cover up my Celtic knotwork tattoo since we're not supposed to have visible tattoos.  The tape has got to go, which means my only other option is long sleeves or one of those "slap bracelets" that wraps around the wrist snugly.  They were quite popular about a decade ago (ish); hopefully I can find one -- somewhere! -- that isn't a garish color.

It's difficult to focus on spirituality when you're rather wiped out physically.

(I barely have the energy for sex, for crying out loud!  And I really, really love sex!  I mean, really -- I have two steady boyfriends and still often complain that I'm not getting laid frequently enough!  My favorite part of the Charge of the Goddess is, "All acts of love and pleasure are my rituals."  The thought of being too tired & drained to enjoy having sex?  Dreadful, utterly and completely horrid!)

More about the Pagan community in my area in this Witches Weekly -- Your Local:

1. Do you belong to any sort of groups of worship or regularly participate in any organizations? If so, provide links.

I've studied and practiced under the tenets of the Church of Universal Eclectic Wicca for 5 years now, and currently am one of their "unaffiliated solitaries," but I've considered getting back into their lessons program...it would be a big commitment, so I'm still thinking it over.

2. What is the pagan community like in your area? Is it large or small, open or pretty hidden?

Ah, the local Pagan community in Portland, OR.  I would definitely characterize it as large and open.  There are at least 5 Pagan shops in town that I know of (in a city with a population of just over half a million), and plenty of groups that advertise teaching circles and public Pagan festivals/rituals.  Despite this, I often feel rather isolated as a Pagan in Portland (see below). 

3. Do you attend any regular events in your area?

No.  Here's an example of why.  In case the link goes down, let me share the text, which is the explanation for the ritual planned at this year's Portland Pagan Faire:

We hope to get the ritual started as close to 7:00pm as possible. Brigid's Fire will be on the stage, and they will be playing "Look to the Rainbow" as we enter from the East entrance. We will be lead into the Circle by our 7 rainbow spirits who will be wearing rainbow garb and carrying banners/scarf of the 7 colors. Once we are in and the Circle is formed, the directions will be called. Cernunnos and Cerridwen will be invoked. They will speak to the coming of the Spring and the greening of the Earth.

Brigid's Fire will start playing "Lord of the Dance" and the 7 rainbow spirits will get us all dancing; while we're dancing, the "mischievous pookas" will appear and steal the banners from the rainbow spirits. The music will stop and The Morrigan will fly down from the stage to issue a warning about the consequences of losing the rainbow. Cerridwen will join The Morrigan and ask Danu to come and help us find the rainbow. Danu will summon her "little folk" and they will dance a fairy ring around her. A "helpful pooka" will wander into the ring, and Danu will ask her to go to the other pookas and retrieve the rainbow, which she will do. Cerridwen's Cauldron is now in the middle and the 3 Goddesses and the God will be around it. The pooka will bring the rainbow banners to them and they will work their magic to restore the rainbow! Cerridwen & The Morrigan transform back to musicians, and start "She Changes Everything She Touches" with Cernunnos leading us in the spiral dance. When we have grounded around the cauldron, the Goddesses will reveal the gold in it and the "little folk" will distribute it. We will do another round of "Look to the Rainbow" and then we will devoke.

OMGWTFBBQ?!  This isn't a ritual -- it's a audience-participation stage production of the My Little Pony Tradition!  "Cerridwen will join The Morrigan and ask Danu to come and help us find the rainbow."  Someone was smoking way too much pot when they came up with this idea.  My personal (limited but emphatic) experience with the Morrigan is that she's highly unlikely to "help find a rainbow" -- and far more likely to smite stupidity in its tracks.  If the Pagans who came up with this ritual ever find themselves in Hawaii, I wouldn't be surprised if they misinterpret Pele as a "kind & gentle creation goddess."  *rolls eyes*

I'm sure they mean well, but what's that road to hell paved with?  Yeah.  Sometimes it seems that many Pagans don't take seriously the powerful energies they're dabbling with, especially the ones who've mixed in a bunch of New Age "sweetness & light" mumbo-jumbo.  The gods are not just bigger, friendlier, more powerful versions of how we viewed Mom & Dad when we were three years old!  They're not all sweetness & light, and it's sad that some have to learn this the hard way.

Possibly due to the Portland's large population of people with Irish heritage (we have at least as many Irish pubs as we do Pagan shops, and redheads -- even the natural ones! -- are common here), most Pagans in Portland practice an Irish/Celtic/Druidic tradition of some sort.  Although I most likely have more Scots-Irish heritage than Norwegian, I never strongly connected with any of the Irish/Celtic deities, and so I don't feel especially comfortable practicing with the local groups who invoke those deities.  (When doing a handfasting, I'm fine with invoking whatever the couple desire, as long as it's not uber-stupid, because the ritual is for them, not me.  However, a handfasting is not a large public "ritual" performed at Portland's largest annual Pagan gathering.)

I'm sure this all means that I need to develop more patience and tolerance for others' idiosyncrasies.  That said, however, I'm leery of developing more tolerance for others' idiotic behavior.

This Witches Weekly is on Sacred Symbols and Spaces:

1. Are there any symbols or symbology that are significant or special to you? (runes, shapes, symbols created by you) Why is it special to you?

The symbols that mean the most to me are the pentagram/pentacle and my personal bindrune.  The pentacle as macro-/micro-cosm is representative of all that there is, which basically states what is sacred (all of nature) in Wicca.  (Or, as the Golden Dawn's system teaches, the pentacle is one of four tools which are "symbolical representations of the forces employed for the manifestation of the inner self, the elements required for the incarnation of the divine."  In plain words, as far as I can tell, that means it's what you use to talk to God.)

My personal bindrune, which I designed on Oct. 3, 1996, and got tattooed onto my left hip on my 28th birthday the following June, incorporates the Elder Futhark runes of Fehu, Uruz, Thurisaz, Kenaz, Wunjo, Hagalaz, Isa, Sowelu, and Laguz.  (And those are just the runes that aren't reversed -- I ignore reversed runes in symbols unless they're intentionally put there by the symbol's designer.)  I intended to put 5 of those 9 runes in the design, and after I finished designing the bindrune, I realized there were 4 more...and those were also significant to me in one way or another.  My bindrune is profoundly meaningful to me...in so many ways that I've never tried to enumerate them!

For anyone who's curious, the traditional meaning of the runes in my bindrune are: wealth/abundance (Fehu), strength (Uruz), thorn/hardship (Thurisaz), torch/insight (Kenaz), joy (Wunjo), hail/elemental destruction (Hagalaz), ice/standstill (Isa), sun/life force (Sowelu), and water/fluidity (Laguz).  Explaining why they're important to me would probably be a full-length book...especially since I keep discovering nuances that I never thought of a decade ago when I designed the bindrune!  One thing that means a lot to me, which I never noticed for years, is that the traditional magical elements are all there: Fehu (or Uruz) for earth, Kenaz for air, Sowelu for fire, and Laguz for water.

2. What does your special place of worship look like? (altars, sacred space inside or outside) Can you provide a picture?

I've never been particularly attached to any one place as a "special" place of worship.  There are places that feel more spiritual or inspirational to me -- certainly the ocean does! -- but anyplace where I need to connect with the gods/divine can easily enough become a sacred space through one's intent, will, action, & focus.  That may mean casting a circle, or it may simply mean adjusting your conscious awareness to another perspective.

Then again, I've never been lucky enough to actually visit a circle of stones or some other site in Europe or the British Isles that was traditionally considered sacred by the old religions, and is now considered so by many Neopagans.  Maybe the experience of visiting Stonehenge or Avebury or Glastonbury Tor or Chartres Cathedral might change my view (even if it doesn't, I really want to visit all those places!!!).

In case I overlooked sending an invite to any who is interested, I started a Vox Group called Pagan Ponderings.  It's a Q&A meme for all topics relating to modern Paganism, both beliefs & practices... if you think it's something you might like, please do check out the group info!  I really hope it's something that all members can enjoy, and will contribute both questions & answers.

I've been working on the archives of the Witches Weekly for some time now, and I've noticed that many of the subjects/questions tend to repeat after a while.  It's tempting me to start my own meme for Pagans... I used to run a music meme at my original blog, and there were some weeks that thinking up questions was a major chore, and after a year (which I thought was a fair accomplishment) I stopped doing it.

If I start a Pagan-themed meme, I don't want it to be just questions & answers -- the "Vox Hunt" feature here asks for images, music, video, and other media rather than just text, and I tend to like that (even if I don't actually participate in it very often).  I also wouldn't want the material to be too restrictive and therefore discourage participants -- while I'm Wiccan, a great many terrific Pagans aren't, and I wouldn't want them to be excluded.

Since Vox has the Groups option now, I'm thinking it would be a good idea to run a meme within the Group framework.  It would be a lot tidier & more organized than just putting the posts in my personal Vox!  Now I just have to think of a name, how often I'm going to add new material, and get a handful of initial posts prepared (at least mentally) so I'm not caught empty-handed a week or two down the road.

Suggestions are welcome!  (Comments are open to everyone, not just my neighborhood.)

This week has been pretty sucky, but I'm going to keep my spirits up if it kills me.  So here's a new Witches Weekly, on Your Knowledge (er, my knowledge...whatever).  And thanks to the new "My Links" feature, I don't have to link the main site in every post now!

My daughters, and any children they might eventually have, are welcome to my books (personal, as well as purchased) when I'm gone...they know they're already welcome to read any of them, as long as they stay in the house (preferably downstairs...books that make their way into kids' bedrooms often become lost books).  They've both participated in Sabbat rituals at various ages, and each been given a "welcome to womanhood" ritual at menarche, and I know they've each done some solitary practice.  Whether either of them becomes seriously dedicated is something that only time will tell; I'm not worried about it, since I didn't raise my kids to be witches, but rather I raised them to be knowledgeable about Wicca and to know they could be witches if they wanted to!  I rather envy them -- having been raised with Wicca means they have a perspective that I never will, since I didn't even hear about Paganism or Witchcraft as a modern practice until I was 19 or 20.  Hopefully I'll have many years/decades ahead of me to share what I'm able to, that doesn't reside between the covers of a book!

And another Witches Weekly, because they're just so darned much fun.  This ones is on Classes.

1. What kinds of outside classes (non-coven/non-metaphysical shop) do you attend to broaden your skills? IE: flower arranging, art class, crisis intervention. How has it helped you?
The only class I've ever taken was belly-dancing (almost everything else I've learned, from crocheting to cooking to HTML to parenting to ritual workings, came from a combination of reading books and trial & error!).  My best friend from high school was looking for something she could do with her daughter, and suggested that my daughter & I join her in a belly-dancing class through the local community college, so we did.  (This was several years ago, when I was closer to 30 than 40!)  I found out that belly-dancing is seriously great for toning your abdominal muscles -- I've always had "abs of steel," but after a few classes, I discovered muscles I didn't know I had!  I also learned that I cannot dance without choreography -- give me a dance routine to learn and I will do it brilliantly, but never ask me to ad-lib because I'll just stand there looking panicky & awkward.  (This explains why I don't dance socially...and nobody ever gets to see the silly dances I do when I'm alone at home with the radio on while I do dishes or fold laundry.)  The best things about belly-dancing were the sensuality, how it's body-positive for virtually any size/shape person, and some even suggest that it was the first known dance form involving Goddess-worship (or at least fertility magic).

2. If you could teach one class of any level to the pagan community in your area, what class would it be?

FC101 -- Feces Coagulation (Getting Your Shit Together).  The irresponsibility, inconsideration, immaturity, and all-around idiocy of the various Pagan fruits, nuts, & flakes I've had to deal with over the last decade or so are the main reasons I'm not "active" in the Pagan community.  The sad thing is that the people who most need a "FC101 class" are the ones least likely to seek one out or actually attend one, much less apply what they might learn to their lives.

3. How would you go about teaching that class, and why would it be something others would want to take? How would it benefit the Pagan community?

I certainly don't claim to be "the uber-responsible example that everyone should follow" -- far from it, I have a terrible problem with procrastination and lack of initiative in many areas of my life.  That said, however, I have learned a great deal over the last couple of decades (and applied those lessons very positively in my life!) about nearly every aspect of ethics (especially with work, love life, parenting, & friendships).  I also have a very down-to-earth, straightforward perspective that more than a few Pagans I know could benefit from adapting to their own choices and lives.  Even just a few simple changes of behavior applied to interpersonal relationships and everyday choices can make a huge difference for the better...sometimes it requires re-programming old habits, and that's a lot harder than most people imagine, but it's certainly worth the effort expended.

And, while I'm fairly certain that few people realize that this is something quite important to me, the best thing about my perspective / viewpoint / philosophy of life is that with every person I meet, I may have something to teach them -- but I also have something to learn from them.  What I learn may not be what I expected, or what I thought I would learn from them, but it's always something I needed to learn.